One night at a local bar, a man said to a woman, “just because you’re uncomfortable with your SIZE…”
Calmly, she stood up and gathered her things. Calmly, she walked over to the bartender and told him “this man is paying for my drinks.” Calmly, she stood there a second, glared at the felonious offender, then turned and blurted out to no one in particular, “I’m newly fat.” He ran after her, apologized for his “unforgivable statement,” but she fled in tears, humiliated. (According to the look on her face, she wanted to kick him in the nuts.)
You see, whether you’re a woman or a man, today’s society has no tolerance for “fat” people. Never mind we don’t always know “why” someone has gained a few pounds, or “why,” since being overweight is apparently at an all-time high across the United States, we punish people for not being “perfect” or not being a “normal” size.
But what is a “normal” size?
Per WebMD.com, author Pamela Peeke, MD, MPH, FACP notes the following historical facts: “The average starlet is wearing a Size 2 or 4 which is the sample size designers are making presently. Today, the average American woman …has a dress size of 12-14…curiously, over the past twenty years, fashion model sizes have dropped from a Size 8 to 0…There used to be a uniform sizing system for women’s clothes until the U.S. Department of Commerce dropped it in 1983 noting that “traditional sizes were no longer reflecting the size and shape of the average consumer”…Plus, sizing from brand to brand is so variable that most women fill their closets with at least two or three different sizes.”
No wonder we’re confused!!!!
I sure am.
FOR MEN:
If you’re a man, you have that magic pants size number in your head from your college days, right? And, you might stress a bit about a slight paunch in your middle that magically appeared around age 30? If you go buy that pair of jeans or slacks, you might even err on the side of the pants being uncomfortable because you just want to wear something that resembles what you used to wear in college or when you first got married. You’re slightly pained by the whole process, but you’ve got other things on your mind to worry about. Big things. Important things. Men think like boxcars of a train–they’re able to compartmentalize.
However, today’s society is starting to put more pressure on men to be handsome, rich, and perfect. Men are getting buttocks implants, having Botox and wrinkle procedures, and even having their legs broken and stretched out so they’re taller. Now, men have to worry about making money and being a success PLUS looking good.
FOR WOMEN:
If you read today’s headlines, and according to our WebMD guru, above, it’s generally understood that the “average” or “normal size” of an American woman is a size 14.
A size 14.
Marilyn Monroe was a size 14-16.
So, why are virtually no mannequins a size 14 unless they’re in the “WOMEN’s” section? Why is that Special Section of clothes separated from other departments within the store? I mean, it’s for the “average” woman, right? Shall we just get a giant, red, neon sign with a yellow arrow that says: “If you’re an “average” woman, you’re ugly, fat and, ahem! You need to, ah, go over there to shop”?!
And don’t get me started on skinny jeans or jeans labeled in European sizes (Jessica Simpson, I’m talking to you–and you’re not even European! If I have to mentally calculate a European pant size into an American size one more time, I’m moving to Maine, getting six cats, and living the rest of my life in Spandex.)
If you’re a man, and you haven’t already run screaming to the hills, stay tuned. This could help you with your relationship with your wife/girlfriend/mistress:
Following is a short list of recent, actual examples of what I’ve personally been through. Just going about my day. In a good mood. Just minding my own business. These scenarios are 100% unprompted, and I think very representative of what the “average” woman today goes through.
>>>I joined a new gym. Love the gym. Love the people. You get a new T-shirt with the gym logo on it when you sign up. Did I want one? Sure, I say, as Twiggy-With-An-Eating-Disorder shuffles over to me, looks me up and down like I’m the cast-off skin of a snake, and announces to God and everyone: “Here’s the LARGE size. I’m, ah, thinking it will, ah, fit you?” I take the shirt. I look at the shirt. Jesus Lord of My Soul. Hell, no, this fucking shirt won’t fit me. It will barely fit over one breast. Frankly, I was a pencil as a preteen, and it would have been tight on me then. And THIS is today’s LARGE??!
>>>I got the “she’s a fatty” treatment at Neiman Marcus. Generally, I don’t buy items there. It’s expensive. But on occasion, I will splurge on something special, like a classic item I’ll have for years. My last experience went something like this:
I had to hunt down a salesperson to wait on me (like stalking prey in the wild), until I finally found a snotty female who did everything but snicker at me when I told her I was looking for a “classic white blouse.” Following is a list of her comments, unedited:
”We might have something in your size.”
”You know, if you just need a white shirt, you might try J. Crew.”
”This is a boutique store. There might be a designer or two YOU can wear.”
”This blouse is REAL SILK. So, there are imperfections in it.” (After I commented I didn’t like the location of the imperfection–across my boob–and would like another of the same, exact shirt. Yeah, Ms. Get-a-Clue, and I’ve got a doctorate in Silk Moth Science AND Textiles. Duh. Like I didn’t know there were imperfections in real silk. Go fuck yourself.)
)*^*(%#(&^(%!!!!!!
As our beloved Oprah once said: “Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?”
Here’s a newsflash, people: I’m PROUD to be a woman. I’ve earned it. I’m no wussy girl. I’m tough. I’m a survivor. I can kick snotty twiggy ass from here to kingdom come if I want to. I choose not to. Because I also have class. This is another character trait you learn when you’re a WOMAN.
Would Jennifer Lopez, Sofia Vergara, or the Kardashians be as sexy and get as much press if they were pole thin?
I also have to say the back-and-forth of “you’re too fat” and “embrace yourself as you are” wears me out. Make up your mind, already. Oh, wait. We’re all individuals! Wow. Now there’s a newsflash a WOMAN would understand.
Enough.
This has to stop.
Every person is beautiful.
FOR EVERYONE:
Whether you’re a man or woman, here’s some tips as to what you can do to stop this insanity:
1) Always treat others with respect. If you loathe people of ”average” size, chances are you may not have lived through what they have. Chances are if you HAD, you’d look exactly like them or worse. And frankly, maybe they don’t give a shit because they are just glad to be alive after a devastating car accident, the death of a family member, or a horrible food allergy. These are things YOU have no way of knowing, so please, err on the side of kindness and save the superiority complex for the mirror.
2) Realize that just because you’re “perfect” now, doesn’t mean you’ll look perfect in the future. Exterior beauty with a bad attitude has a way of making a beautiful person really ugly.
3) There IS such a thing as karma. Whether you believe the Golden Rule or not, putting out negative energy into the Universe is not the way to go.
4) Just because the salesperson/person on the elevator/person in the grocery store line is nasty, doesn’t mean it’s always about you. Maybe they just got dumped. Or found out their spouse was cheating. Or that a parent has cancer. It’s not always about you. Remember that before you rack ‘em in the nuts.
5) Never underestimate a normal person in normal clothes. This is for you salesfolks out there: My Momma taught me my money spends just as well as the next person’s money! [If you don't get my drift, let me put it this way: I'm guessing T. Boone Pickens and Warren Buffett don't always look like they strolled over from the Whiskey Room at the Country Club.]
6) Don’t be a jerk. I really don’t need to explain this one, do I?
Well, maybe I do.
To the man who spoke so rudely
to the woman at the bar the other night:
I’m proud of who I am.
And if it happens again…
You’re paying for all my drinks.
And all my friend’s drinks, too.
*All photos in this post taken by the author.
Wearing clothes that fit well regardless of the size on the label that is INSIDE where no one can see it gives me confidence and often results in flattering comments from others as I don’t look like I have shoved myself into too-small clothes (which will ALWAYS make a person look fat even when they are not). Plus I really don’t give a damn that my size is a 12 or 14 because I don’t feel fat or ugly. Plus I distract them with my hair. I try not to leave home with bad hair
Thanks for the post!
Hi there, EatWilmington! Thanks for your comments. I agree 100%. I did an experiment once, and went to the same location, same day, same people. One hour I wore my normal stuff (face on, cute outfit, etc…), and the next time I didn’t. It was a great experiment because I was treated completely different when I wore sweats and a T-shirt. It’s just life. That’s how it is…
Personally, I don’t care either, as I’m fine for my height. I don’t like how it pressures certain people (young girls, especially) to be a certain size when in reality the rest of their bodies aren’t taken into account–height, shoulder width, muscle tone, etc…the same size 12 can be “heavy” on one person and “just right” on another, but we must not punish ourselves for not being model (too) thin. When salespeople perpetuate the myth, I get frustrated. When shallow guys do, too, it’s frustrating…:)
Thanks for your thoughtful comments. Hope to talk again soon!
“I distract them with my hair” Hah! That made me smile. I come from a long line of lion’s manes for hair. I’d say its a defining feature. Love it!
I really think she’s on to something here! Very clever…
Thanks for stopping by, Vervainanddill! 
You argue your point of view with real passion and that’s a great thing. Regardless, how could a dog mum not be wonderful? The whole fat thing concerns me. I shed 13 Kilos about five years ago and have not let it get back, Yes, I’m rather anal about it but that’s just my personal preference. I have been an exercise junky since I was thirty (three decades ago!) and carried my additional weight without appearing in any way to be fat. I despise those who make others feel uncomfortable about their weight or any other personal attributes. But I still fret about those who end up very-plus sizes because they lack the discipline or the understanding of nutrition to eat well (even with bingeing) which i do most weekends. Society faces some real and inescapable challenges if parents lose any further sight of proper nutrition. Surely, we should teach our kids how to cook at school these days if the situation is a bad as all th statistics tell us it is? Mind you, it’d be a bloody good thing if they came out of school knowing how to use words and numbers. maybe we should just start with that goal? Have a wonderful day.
Hello, David M. Russell –
Great points, all! And, believe it or not, I agree. I think the main point is that each individual is, well, an individual. For example, I’m 5’8″, lots of muscle, and for me, a size 12 (I think) is ok. A size 12 on a smaller boned or very short person may not be, health-wise. Plus, I can wear a size 10, 12, and 14–it depends on the designers. The actual clothes themselves are all the same physical size! This amounts to craziness. Ha.
The point is that I don’t like how salespeople, random people, and society (sometimes!) forces the idea that a certain size is “ok” and another size is not. As what I experience occasionally.
If you are not healthy, you should work on being healthy. If you wear a size 12 and look gorgeous, and your doctor says you’re healthy, you shouldn’t be punished because you don’t fit into a size 2. Women deal with this all the time. And, the real concern, of course, is our girls. They have pressure (whether they are 10 or 20, 5’10″ or 5’1″) to wear a certain size range of 0-4 in the U.S. I think it causes some real body image and self esteem issues for those who truly are not overweight but happen to wear a size 4-6-8. I hope this makes sense. Women. We are so complicated!
Size shouldn’t matter so long as each individual is a healthy size for their personal build and lifestyle. Unfortunately when the cost of buying food to cook at home and eat healthily is steadily rocketing it is rapidly becoming not just convenient but often cheaper to buy the unhealthy, fat laden alternatives at the local take-aways!
Hi Europasicewolf! That is so true, and another good point to make in today’s society (esp. in the U.S.). I’m really not that big, and I’m very healthy, runner, etc…so I guess that’s why I was so appalled at this treatment. If I experience it, no wonder our poor girls are trying so hard to be thin! We must focus on the individual – height, BMI, etc…and not on a particular “number” to where if you don’t fit that “number” you’re treated poorly by others. My two cents.
Thanks for you comments.
Regardless of the stuff preceding it, the six concluding points are still the key takeaways for all.
Yes. You are so correct! Thanks for stopping by.
Yes, I guess – for me – the issue is one of respect. I become concerned by those who are seriously overweight (and I certainly accept that some have medical conditions that prompt this) and worry about society’s declining standards. That does not mean that I think everyone ought to be skinny or ascribe to some ‘desirable’ physique. Far from it. But the important thing is never to make someone whose body shape I don’t think is ideal feel poorly about themselves. That’s never gonna help. So, I would never pass comment or even look inappropriately at someone with size or shape difficulties.. I suppose what I’m saying is that what I think on this issue is not how I behave about it. Everybody deserves respect or, at least, understanding.
I couldn’t agree more – it is about respect. That’s the bottom line.
ALWAYS treat others with respect… a life lesson so many people seem to have forgotten these days. The way people have behaved on social media during this election have proved that!
Hi CleverCrusader! So true! Thanks for stopping by my new blog. Have a great week.
I am finally (sort of) starting to get over the number on the tag at any given store – it’s taken a while. Is truly is about respect: respect from another and respect for self. Glad to have found you!
Hi Jenn! I agree. I’m so glad you got the bottom line: respect!
Thanks so much for your comment and for stopping by. Have a great week.
Thanks for a great, body-positive post! And clothing sizes are absolutely ridiculous for women in this country. I recently came across an article regarding Marilyn Monroe’s dress size – though at the time she was labeled a 14-16, in today’s dress sizes that would be MUCH smaller. For perspective, a size 8 was one of the smallest size available in decades past, and is comparable to a size 0 now (well, depending on the brand). Clothing manufacturers have made a farce of the situation with “vanity sizes” – creating these absurd numbers like 0 and 00 to make people feel “skinny” because the number is relatively small (and in turn enhancing pressure to achieve “skinniness”). So, while the popular adage about Marilyn Monroe being a more average-sized woman doesn’t hold true, her clothing size can certainly still point out some major flaws in the clothing industry and women’s self-image today. http://www.blisstree.com/2012/10/02/look/vanity-sizes-body-image-308/
(Oh, and thanks for the Like on Reclaiming the Apple, by the way! I’m glad it led me to your blog – I’m really enjoying it)
Hello, there, BrazenBiddy! love your name, BTW!!!. Ah, well, that does help me clear up the confusion a bit! It’s just so ridiculous! So much emphasis on silly things that won’t matter in the long run. Unless, of course, it’s damaging your health. Anyway – You are an interesting one! Will check in again soon. Things are hectic – still catching up from the long weekend.
Glad you like the name
Hope you had a good weekend!
You ask “it’s generally understood that the “average” or “normal size” of an American woman is a size 14. A size 14. Marilyn Monroe was a size 14-16. So, why are virtually no mannequins a size 14 unless they’re in the “WOMEN’s” section?” Marilyn was tiny and clothing has now gone to this vanity sizing simply because women are bigger and yes many Fatter. sizing in the garment industry has changed radically since the 1950s. Marilyn Monroe’s measurements were:
Height: 5 feet, 5½ inches
Weight: 118 pounds
Bust: 35inches Waist: 22inches Hips: 35inches
That is similar to about a size 4 today. Even near the end of her career, when she was “fat”, her measurements were
Bust:37 inches Waist: 23 inches Hips: 36 inches
I don’t know many size 12′s that are those measurements. even my size 4 is not that good.
We are in “violent agreement” as I used to casually say on conference calls. You’ve made my point, exactly. While there are varying sizes and shapes, one size does not fit all; therefore, no one should be penalized for their size. Big or small.
You, a size 4, might actually be a size 2-6 (depending on designer, of course). Or, you might even be a size 8. Or, a size 0, correct? I think it’s interesting you’ve pointed out you’re a size 4.
I think it’s a sign that we put too much importance on a number.
Sure, wouldn’t the average person want to always look like a runway model? Most women would be lying if they said “no.” People today – regardless of whether it was “then” a size 14 or then a size whatever, that Marilyn’s measurements before she was “fat” would today appear “fat” anyway, no? At 5 ft. 5 1/2″ tall, no one I’ve seen lately in a magazine or runway has 35 inch hips at that height. That would not be considered “attractive” by US standards.
I know a size 12 who looks better than those measurements…ah, but she’s also 6’2″…again, that is the point I am making.
Thanks for your comment. It was well thought-out and insightful and informative. Sorry I hit a nerve. A size 4 can be normal for some, thin for others, and heavy for a few. It truly is an individual situation, and just a number. No two people are the same. So, why do we try to make them fit into the same sizes and shapes? And/or punish them if they aren’t what US society says is “perfection?”