“College?”
“Nah. Carnival.”
“You must be proud.”
The holidays are almost here. Unless you’re living under a rock, they began right before Halloween. Some of you might dread THE HOLIDAYS and others of you only semi-dread it. Is there anyone out there over the age of 20 who loves THE HOLIDAYS? Just curious.
I fall somewhere in the middle. To me, THE HOLIDAYS can be an awkward revisit of forced expectations that if truly explored, might not even be necessary. It’s also a time I feel a pang in my chest for those who dread the holidays, can’t afford the holidays, or simply can’t be with the loved ones they actually want to be with.
Then comes the shopping.
There’s the mall parking garage:
To the person in the parking garage who sits and waits with your blinker on: Waiting for that parking spot while backing up traffic over three levels is unwarranted. No one wants to watch Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, a small infant, a toddler, (and some other unknown person who’s just hanging around, disinterested) load 100 years worth of shopping into one vehicle for 30 minutes. It’s unnecessary. Because you’ll just get out of the car and walk 10 miles throughout the mall, anyway.
There’s also the shopping: struggling to find something for that person who buys everything they want and need when you’re faint from hunger and your shoes are about ready to give out.
But remember, the person alone in a nursing home, assisted living facility, or someone who’s ostracized for a made-up reason no one remembers can also use a smile.
Kids are especially important. It’s the glorious time of Baby Jesus, then there’s also the kid who THINKS he/she is Baby Jesus. Shopping, yelling, and pulling hair over of-the-moment dolls and toys is just part of the fun we call Christmas in the great U.S. of A.
So, in order to lighten the mood and/or add to your currently happy mood, I write a letter each year to each member of my Master List of People I send Christmas Cards To (which changes every year, and sometimes gets, well, smaller).
It’s a spoof on those glorious, wonderful, and annoying form letters we all get from someone each year. There’s pictures from Helsinki, baby’s first footprint, a cat with antlers, and there’s always someone who just graduated with their third doctorate.
Sure, I understand why they’re created. It’s easy to write one letter and send it to everyone once per year. It’s a burden the USPS bears that until now hasn’t been exposed for what it really is: A easy way to brag gloat annoy catch up with everyone from your sixth distant cousin to your favorite dentist.
In this next post, I’ll be offering some tips and guidelines to find that perfect balance between arrogance and information.
In a form letter.
Coming soon! Sometime before Christmas, 2012.
PEACE TO ALL THIS HOLIDAY SEASON.
I will look forward to your Christmas letter spoof! I wrote one once but decided not to mail it. Happy Holiday! (This is one of my favorite movies.)
HI Coastal Crone! The movie, Christmas Vacation, right? It’s my # 1 favorite. So, so true…:)
I shall be only too glad when this troublesome holiday season is over! Roll on New Year
Whew! You and me both! Thanks for stopping by – talk soon.
Have a nice Thanksgiving!! Hope you enjoy your awkward moment!
HaHa! Yep, you got it! Thanks for stopping by. Like your site, too!
Aaaaaah , the “bragging letter”. My parents used to send Christmas cards every year to a handful of people and we got regular cards from everyone except for this one family. They sent what I referred to (and still do) as a “bragging letter” (always a full A4-page), detailing all the wonderful achievements of every single family member (at the described achievement rate, their dog should have at least 5 Ph.Ds, as well as being on his way to bringing about democracy in North Korea…)
Sadly, the letter-writing parents eventually got divorced. Oh, the irony.
Makes me embrace the dysfunctionality of my own family.
Hilarious! I love your comments: the dog should have 5 Ph.Ds – so funny! I know, isn’t that the truth? Thanks for stopping by and for your comments. Really funny. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving.
spending it with people you barely know aka “distant” relatives = awkward lol thanks for stoppin’ by
Hi KZ – yes, gird your loins!
Thanks for stopping by.
I am entirely a grinch, my holiday spirit gets up and goes when the decorations and music starts playing before Halloween has been celebrated. It makes me crazed. I love the family time. I love being able to visit with distant members who some time make their way home. But other than that, aaarrrggh.
Argh!!! Indeed. Well, we’ll see how it goes for us this year. It’s usually pretty entertaining. If husband and I can avoid talks of religion and politics and stock up on vodka and Xanax, we’ll be just fine. HaHa
And … let’s not forget the Road Rage. That’s better than yesterday’s gravy.
Isn’t that the truth?!! Road Rage, indeed! Hurry, hurry, hurry should be a holiday song! thanks for stopping by again, Knotty Puppet!
Yes! I’m afraid I usually cross the round robin letters off my Christmas card list, and every year decide to start my cards in October so that I have time for a personal message in each. Have I done it this year?
Ah, no? I stopped even writing comments, but I do still send out cards to a select few. Then, of course, the letter that is fake. Some appreciate it…:)
The eCard about Black Friday hits the nail on the head. I’ll be staying away from the shopping districts for a few days.
You and me both!
Have a good one.